Riffmonkey

This is the debut riff from Riffmonkey (hi). It’s a short about Thanksgiving. Or something. It’s free.

On Re-theming

I’m sure 0.253 people would notice this, but I deleted my Fringe video. It had over 10,000 views. I just didn’t care enough to keep it. It seems unlikely to me that anyone who watched it was in the market for a new Fringe theme, so I don’t know why they bothered. And I am 98.72% sure none of those people watched my other videos or subscribed. So… it was useless. 94.619% of the comments had some kind of disclaimer as to why they liked it. “It’s good, but…” the original is better, it would be better with real instruments, my brain is damaged, I listen to Paris Hilton’s album over and over, etc.

Originally I said I didn’t like the theme song and wrote this as a replacement, and so all the comments compared it to the original. And that was true. I thought the theme was early 90s fluff. It’s a little bit ominous towards the end, but it had nothing to do with the show. J.J. Abrams wrote it in the middle of the night, not inspired by Fringe at all. So it’s not by Michael Giacchino. It’s not inspired by the show. And IMO it’s devoid of emotion. So I wrote a theme inspired by the show and… somebody said it sounded very early 90s. *headdesk*

So I changed it, pretending it was a theme inspired by the show, not a replacement. Which was a lie. Because I don’t care who likes the original better. I wrote the theme for me, and for only anyone who doesn’t like the original theme at all. So if you like the original theme, you’re not the target audience.

See, most people don’t think about this, but music and film compliment each other in sublime ways. A terrible theme song played once a week, every week, during a show you really like, will become associated with the show in your mind, and eventually you will like it. Unless it’s the theme to Dollhouse, because that is freaking awful. But naturally, you can imagine I am hesistant to post a new Dollhouse theme, even though mine kicks all kinds of ass. And subsequently, people watching the video will hear and judge the song once, as I did the original when I wrote this. But by the time I made the video, people already had the original ingrained in their heads. And they would only watch this video once. Not enough time to like it. So it was ultimately pointless, because it couldn’t even reach the point of being heard every week. Except by me, in my head, when I watch the show.

And for the record, I feel the same way about the Hulk theme. But, that video doesn’t get many hits, because the Hulk does not have a weekly TV show. Elfman’s theme has been criticized by many as little more than a descending scale. And it’s really an okay theme… for Bruce Banner. But it’s completely unHulklike, and in fact there is no “Hulk Theme” in the movie. It works perfectly for an intellectual, psychological drama. So it suffers the same flaw as the movie. And the other Hulk movie has this arbitrary Eastern music theme, expressing nothing of the plot or the emotion of the characters or the story. It’s not even original, as there were elements of Eastern music in the first movie. So again, we didn’t get a HULK THEME. So I was watching the old TV series, and half-inspired by the DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNN briefly played during Hulk scenes, as opposed to the tinkly sad David Banner piano theme song, I wrote a freaking HULK SMASH theme. And I threw in a little bit of the heartbeat motif from the movie. Okay, the guitars sound a bit 90s Saturday morning cartoon, but face it, those things had better theme songs than most comic book movies.

And also for the record, I like the Spider-Man theme and the original Batman theme. The new Batman theme is percussive incidental dreck. And the only TV show theme I like is 24, and that’s only five notes long. So I guess the point is, rather than just complain, I write better theme songs. But since no one else can properly judge them, it’s a thankless task.

Brain Crack

I had this idea for websites like MySpace, Facebook, or whatever… called a break-up button. See, when someone drops out of your life without warning and decides they’re not going to speak to you anymore, and blocks you on every site they use, and you can’t defend yourself or say your peace or say goodbye or anything, you hit the break-up button. And you get one message to say whatever you need to say to the person before they leave you stranded forever. And it stays at the top of their inbox and they can’t delete it, for like… a month or something. So you can tell them you think it’s bullshit that they would ignore you like this, promise them flowers, or whatever. Because ignoring someone completely is the worst thing you can do, and it’s way too easy over the internet. Those who do it have probably never had it done to them by anyone they care about. And everybody deserves a last word.

So I’d like to use my break-up button for my popularity, which has been ignoring me lately. Popularity, you don’t know what you’re missing. We could have had a good thing. But no, you decided to go with Balloon Boy instead. I hope you feel really bad about it, because you know what? I haven’t done WAY more interesting things than that kid hasn’t done. But you will never know that. And I don’t care, because if Balloon Boy is what you want, then you were never as great as you seemed anyway. I hope you’re very happy together. Don’t bother crawling back to me any time soon, because I’m going out with Apathy now, and she never lets me down.

I’m starting to wonder if the abundance of television is densensitizing me to cool concepts.

For example, this week’s premiere of Lie to Me featured a character with Disassociative Identity Disorder (the TV kind, but I digress). This should have been really interesting, but for the fact that a show about D.I.D. already debuted early this year.

In Fringe’s premiere, they had a guy who could use what I call “fringe tech” to change his face to look like other people. Again, this would be really neat if not for Sylar being able to do this on Heroes last season.

And on Smallville, we’ve always had the cocktease of being able to see him fly. But even before Heroes started making people fly every week, Smallville itself let Clark fly provisionally, as well as letting other characters fly. That climaxed in a pointlessly expensive CG flying shot of some Legion dude flying in last season’s finale. So if we ever see Clark fly, it won’t be fresh and awesome.

Which is to say nothing of shows ripping off their favorite movies, and movies ripping off other movies. Bruce Willis just came out with a movie about robots or something. Did anybody see it? I think even he was too busy.

Mackenzie Phillips Says Reputation Almost Nonexistent, Needs Attention

Mackenzie Phillips Sets New Record For Simeltaneous Mass Vomitting

Mackenzie Phillips Unable To Close Mouth, Doctors Baffled

Pauly Shore Follows Mackenzie Phillips’ Lead, Admits Humping His Dog

Joaquin Phoenix Considering Incest Instead of Insanity To Boost Media Presence

Paris Hilton Says She Would Never Have Insects, Earthquake Caused By Millions of Hands Hitting Foreheads

Sorry… was looking for (completely innocent) pictures and had to post this text I ran across.

Take your own stills and make a custom pic of Nicolas Cage by playing the Nicolas Cage porn video and taking a screen capture or copy a frame from the film, equaling one Nicolas Cage hot photo. No where else can you get the Nicolas Cage nude photo selection that you can here, including all the Nicolas Cage movie downloads you could possibly ever dream to watch. Scads of images including the popular Nicolas Cage striptease pictorials snapped at famous LA and New York clubs. Nothing is better than a little Nicolas Cage music playing in the background while you flip from pic to glorious Nicolas Cage pic.

Take your viewing pleasure one step further and download a free picture of Nicolas Cage from the Nicolas Cage sexy gallery set up specifically for those with taste and care fo rthe finer things in life. Videos featuring the making of Nicolas Cage playboy photoshoots and otehr behind the scenes and outtakes. Each Nicolas Cage photo is high quality, high resolution and certified an official Nicolas Cage nude picture. The hot Nicolas Cage pic gallery is just the beginning of all things Nicolas Cage. You get more Nicolas Cage pussy and Nicolas Cage topless pictures than any other website guaranteed! A naked picture of Nicolas Cage goes for several dollars online each – if you are a member of photo clubs. We carry everything from dramatic films to Nicolas Cage porn.

Well, I was going to rant about DeviantArt killing inspiration by showing you how many people are better than you… but then I got far more annoyed by the fact that I couldn’t find a login link to WordPress.

Like how insecure are you that your front page assumes everyone viewing it hasn’t signed up yet, but that nobody on Earth would need to log in? Don’t they make medications for this?

I’m so sick of this. You try to be nice to someone from YouTube, but because they have thousands of followers, they don’t value your opinion. They say “I’m not famous,” but it still affects them because popularity no longer has any meaning to them. If they were in elementary school, their heads would explode from being that popular. But because it’s the “internet,” they start to take it for granted. And they probably don’t realize that it’s just like high school when you try to be friends with somebody, but they reject you because they have too many friends already.

Well you know what, none of your friends are me. And that is so tragedies.

Fact: security updates for Microsoft programs DON’T DO ANYTHING. It’s like fuzzy dice for your rear-view mirror.

I don’t want this to sound picky, but Amazon should probably retake their sixth grade math class. In regards to “Price: Low to High,” there is no sense to the arrangement of numbers. Some items have no price listed. Some are a hundred dollars. Some are ten. Neither the actual prices nor the list prices are arranged from low to high.

I have a proposal: make people pay extra for stupidity and incompetence. That way we can just opt out of it.