Toy Whorey/Borey/Snorey, etc.

June 27, 2009 at 1:43 AM | Posted in Movie Rants | 1 Comment

Why are they making another Toy Story? Why are we putting up with it? Todays cartoons have twisted, shallow morals, or none at all. What was the moral of WALL-E? Sure, there were environmental themes, but they used a perverted Spielberg logic that the Earth will just heal itself. No! No, it won’t! That’s not a moral! At no point did they say, “Hey, you should probably not fill the planet with GARBAGE.” That’s a moral. Instead, it was a cheap love story.

Toy Story is just Pinocchio, but dumbed down for a mass-market, who buys mass-market toys. The kids, who naturally have one of each toy, are allowed to think their toys are alive and magical, but for no reason. There’s no logic to it. Why are ALL toys alive? That’s a lesser story than Pinocchio. What happens if you have duplicate Buzz Lightyears? I don’t mean the old version vs. the newer version. I mean the exact same toy. Do they fight over who is more real? Do they have the exact same soul? Why don’t they all try to escape their boxes as soon as the toy store is empty? Why don’t they rise up and kill us all?

While there might be some deeply buried analogy to kids or people needing a purpose, or getting along with others, it’s really just about toys doing things that only concern Satanically animate toys. The problem is that none of the toys are unique. There are millions of Buzzes and hundreds of Woodys (I fail to see how a modern kid has a rare 50s toy when even a toy store owner can’t find one, but I digress). It’s only Sid’s mutant toys that are unique. The rest are mass produced. If they’re alive, their lives are virtually worthless. Imagine having to tell a kid that he’s not important because there are literally millions of other kids with his exact personality, thoughts and SOUL. Far from telling Bible stories, they ignore these problems and give you a narrow world view with a cheap message. That message: dogs are better than you.

Strangely, there is no Dog Story movie. Every dog movie they make, the dogs have special powers, because Disney and its followers are done with all the normal films they’re ever going to make. I suppose eventually there will be an AIBO robo-dog movie (or Tekno or whatever those things were called). And then we’re right back to the same damn problem.

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  1. UP had quite the message. That message of course was to let go of your past to move on to your future, and that even an admirable goal is only as special as the ones we share the achievement with.

    That’s what I got out of it at least. I think that an army of sentient Buzz Lightyears would wipe us out for sure…I mean, once they learn how to team up with toy cowboys and fly on explosives…right?


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