DVD Review #28: Clerks (10th Anniversary Edition) (1993)

March 18, 2010 at 11:26 AM | Posted in Comedy, DVD Reviews | Leave a comment

There’s a lot of fine-looking DVDs in the world, but they don’t all bring you lasagna. Most of them just suck.

[Read More → “Quotable, but not great cinema.”]

DVD Review #27: The Incredible Hulk (The 3-Disc Special Edition) (2008)

March 15, 2010 at 8:22 AM | Posted in Based on a Comic, DVD Reviews, Franchise Film | Leave a comment

“Holy shit, the Iron Man! Iron maaan, iron maaan, does whatever a iron caaan… You da man, Tony Stark! WOOO!!!”

As far as movies about skinny guys who become bigger and greener go, this is one of them.

[Read More → “Basically, this is what anyone would expect from a Hulk movie.”]

DVD Review #26: Wanted (2-Disc Special Edition) (2008)

March 11, 2010 at 9:35 AM | Posted in Action, Based on a Comic, DVD Reviews | Leave a comment

Angelina did all her own stunt splaying.

Wanted is one of those comic book movies that nobody knew was a comic book movie. Like 30 Days of Night or 300 or other movies that start with threes. This one has people with unexplained powers, but is more about car crash and gun-porn than powers. It certainly isn’t about any kind of story.

[Read More → “The film is just an excuse to have a big orgy of ridiculous violence and impossible action, and it can do nothing but succeed at that.”]

DVD Review #25: The Chonicles of Riddick: Pitch Black (Unrated Director’s Cut) (1999)

February 28, 2010 at 1:51 PM | Posted in DVD Reviews, Franchise Film, Horror, Sci-Fi | 1 Comment

Vin seriously urges you to consider going green.

No, this is not another Spike Lee movie. It’s a documentary about Vin Diesel’s summer vacation, where he fended off over a dozen sharks with his bare hands. Slightly dramatized.

[Read More → “It is as well-constructed and restrained as Starship Troopers is carefree and over-the-top.”]

DVD Review #24: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (Special Collector’s Edition) (2001)

February 27, 2010 at 1:54 AM | Posted in Action, Based on a Game, DVD Reviews, Franchise Film | 1 Comment

Dude, I can see your crappy tattoo.

Supposedly, all video game movies suck. I’m not sure if Tomb Raider supposedly sucks or not. It’s certainly not great. The story isn’t engaging. The acting wasn’t included. But the action and effects are somewhat decent, and there are some interesting locations.

[Read More → “It’s Indiana Jones with fake boobs, big lips, guns, and techno music.”]

DVD Review #23: The Mist (Two-Disc Collector’s Edition) (2007)

February 22, 2010 at 8:02 AM | Posted in Based on a Book, DVD Reviews, Horror | Leave a comment

It’s not revenge… it’s nourishment.

I don’t know what makes a great horror movie, because I don’t know what “great horror” is. I don’t get scared by horror movies. I did get annoyed by Blair Witch. I get bored by bad movies. But I get excited by good ones. I know what makes a great Stephen King adaptation. So I know this is a great Stephen King horror movie.

[Read More → “…the best horror film since John Carpenter’s remake of The Thing.”]

DVD Review #22: Reno 911!: Miami (2007)

February 21, 2010 at 9:03 AM | Posted in Based on TV Series, Comedy, DVD Reviews | Leave a comment

Here’s the deal with this movie: I like it. So screw you if you don’t.

[Read More → “It’s silly, but it’s funny.”]

DVD Review #21: Jumper (Special Edition) (2008)

February 21, 2010 at 4:04 AM | Posted in Action, Based on a Book, DVD Reviews, Franchise Film, Sci-Fi | 1 Comment

“Nobody cuts off this Jedi’s motherf*cking hand!”

This is the kind of movie I wish existed, but usually doesn’t. A movie that doesn’t just go back and forth between three sets, or stay in one city we’ve seen a million times. It’s a film that’s literally all over the map. It’s an experience, not just a feature-length lie.

[Read More → “This is a wish fulfillment movie with more bells and whistles than much bigger productions…”]

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