DVD Review #26: Wanted (2-Disc Special Edition) (2008)

March 11, 2010 at 9:35 AM | Posted in Action, Based on a Comic, DVD Reviews | Leave a comment

Angelina did all her own stunt splaying.

Wanted is one of those comic book movies that nobody knew was a comic book movie. Like 30 Days of Night or 300 or other movies that start with threes. This one has people with unexplained powers, but is more about car crash and gun-porn than powers. It certainly isn’t about any kind of story.

[Read More → “The film is just an excuse to have a big orgy of ridiculous violence and impossible action, and it can do nothing but succeed at that.”]

DVD Review #24: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (Special Collector’s Edition) (2001)

February 27, 2010 at 1:54 AM | Posted in Action, Based on a Game, DVD Reviews, Franchise Film | 1 Comment

Dude, I can see your crappy tattoo.

Supposedly, all video game movies suck. I’m not sure if Tomb Raider supposedly sucks or not. It’s certainly not great. The story isn’t engaging. The acting wasn’t included. But the action and effects are somewhat decent, and there are some interesting locations.

[Read More → “It’s Indiana Jones with fake boobs, big lips, guns, and techno music.”]

DVD Review #21: Jumper (Special Edition) (2008)

February 21, 2010 at 4:04 AM | Posted in Action, Based on a Book, DVD Reviews, Franchise Film, Sci-Fi | 1 Comment

“Nobody cuts off this Jedi’s motherf*cking hand!”

This is the kind of movie I wish existed, but usually doesn’t. A movie that doesn’t just go back and forth between three sets, or stay in one city we’ve seen a million times. It’s a film that’s literally all over the map. It’s an experience, not just a feature-length lie.

[Read More → “This is a wish fulfillment movie with more bells and whistles than much bigger productions…”]

DVD Review #7: Shoot ‘Em Up (2007)

January 28, 2010 at 12:44 PM | Posted in Action, DVD Reviews | 1 Comment

Monica Bellucci never shoulda had sex with them robots.

Not much needs to be said about Shoot ‘Em Up except that it’s brilliant. It’s one of the funniest, most unpredictable action movies ever made. While Die Hard invented the modern action genre, it also invented all of its clichés. The only clichés in this film are a few lines spoken by one of the government agents (possibly an intentional satire), and some of the soundtrack choices (namely Motorhead’s overused “Ace of Spades”). Everything else is pure joy.

[Read More → “The director is an insane Spielberg.”]

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