Music Court

February 25, 2010 at 7:57 AM | Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

Because judges don’t know SHIT about art! You don’t know SHIT!

I’m gonna start a music court. All music copyright issues will only be tried in music court. All PAST cases will be retried.

Luther Campbell vs 50 Cent – the music court does rule that 50 Cent’s “In Da Club” does willfully and wantonly infringe on the tone, style and context of Luther Campbell’s copyrighted work, “It’s Your Birthday,” and I hereby sentence 50 Cent to be publicly spanked fifty times by Luther Campbell. Each time someone quotes “It’s Your Birthday” through public broadcast, 50 Cent may collect a fifty cent royalty payment, but must also be spanked for each payment collected.

MUSIC COURT OUT, MUTHAFUCKAS!

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February 23, 2010 at 3:53 AM | Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

The headline “Hilary Duff engaged to hockey player” is a tragedy. Oh no. Why did she do that? But change it to “Hockey player engaged to Hilary Duff,” and it becomes a rags to riches story! Yeah! Way to go, ya dumb hockey player! Seize that dream! Woo!

Riffmonkey

November 26, 2009 at 9:39 AM | Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

This is the debut riff from Riffmonkey (hi). It’s a short about Thanksgiving. Or something. It’s free.

September 24, 2009 at 1:45 AM | Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

Mackenzie Phillips Says Reputation Almost Nonexistent, Needs Attention

Mackenzie Phillips Sets New Record For Simeltaneous Mass Vomitting

Mackenzie Phillips Unable To Close Mouth, Doctors Baffled

Pauly Shore Follows Mackenzie Phillips’ Lead, Admits Humping His Dog

Joaquin Phoenix Considering Incest Instead of Insanity To Boost Media Presence

Paris Hilton Says She Would Never Have Insects, Earthquake Caused By Millions of Hands Hitting Foreheads

September 23, 2009 at 10:18 AM | Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

Sorry… was looking for (completely innocent) pictures and had to post this text I ran across.

Take your own stills and make a custom pic of Nicolas Cage by playing the Nicolas Cage porn video and taking a screen capture or copy a frame from the film, equaling one Nicolas Cage hot photo. No where else can you get the Nicolas Cage nude photo selection that you can here, including all the Nicolas Cage movie downloads you could possibly ever dream to watch. Scads of images including the popular Nicolas Cage striptease pictorials snapped at famous LA and New York clubs. Nothing is better than a little Nicolas Cage music playing in the background while you flip from pic to glorious Nicolas Cage pic.

Take your viewing pleasure one step further and download a free picture of Nicolas Cage from the Nicolas Cage sexy gallery set up specifically for those with taste and care fo rthe finer things in life. Videos featuring the making of Nicolas Cage playboy photoshoots and otehr behind the scenes and outtakes. Each Nicolas Cage photo is high quality, high resolution and certified an official Nicolas Cage nude picture. The hot Nicolas Cage pic gallery is just the beginning of all things Nicolas Cage. You get more Nicolas Cage pussy and Nicolas Cage topless pictures than any other website guaranteed! A naked picture of Nicolas Cage goes for several dollars online each – if you are a member of photo clubs. We carry everything from dramatic films to Nicolas Cage porn.

Rockstar Joel: A Tale of International Intrigue

June 13, 2009 at 8:02 AM | Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

(…continued from “Port Land (Portal To Hell) Part 2”)

Because I was a little mean before, and this one inspired too epic a scenario, here’s a very special final ad:

“JOEL ROCKSTAR JOEL
Sweetest lion, I don’t want our suitcases sitting in the hall from all the trips we never took, I don’t want to remember you. Lets put our fingerprints back on and put all the trouble behind us.”

    He’s a suave European. He introduces himself. “Joel. Rockstar Joel.” Their eyes lock in an obscene orgy of vision. She swoons and knocks the baccarat table. The dealer asks her to leave.
    “Let me buy you a drink,” he says, thick accent dripping from his words and slowly down to the casino floor. “Miss…?” He tilts his head impossibly low to look up at her through his eyebrows, though she is a foot shorter than him.
    “Connie Lingus,” replies the woman. “Baroness.”
    He takes her hand. “My Lady.”

[Read More → “He is dazed, gun thudding to the carpet…”]

Port Land (Portal To Hell) Part 2

June 13, 2009 at 7:28 AM | Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

(…continued from “Port Land (Portal To Hell) Part 1”)

This is going to be sad. I’m sorry, but the last section just makes me sad. It’s called “I Saw U,” frequently mistaken by dyslexics as the reincarnation section, but actually a place for losers who saw another person in public once and are banking on the astronomical chance that that person saw them and will be reading this section for their ad. It’s the newspaper equivalent of the scene from The Lonely Guy where all the lonely guys are on the rooftops yelling out the names of girls they met but never got off with, except instead of yelling, “Susan!,” they yell, “Brown and baby blue! I’ve been biking around NoPo for days, where have you been! #909616!”

[Read More → “Can you recommend a good boob to read…”]

Port Land (Portal To Hell) Part 1

June 13, 2009 at 3:01 AM | Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

I got a used CD in the mail, and inside the package, it was wrapped up in some pages of newspaper. This newspaper was from some place called “Port Land,” which I’ve never heard of, but can only assume is the worst place in the world. Here are some highlights from the paper.

The rag is called the “Portland Mercury,” named apparently after the irresistible liquid metal that will kill you if you drink it. The first page is page 5. I don’t know which section this is, so I’m calling it the “We Hate Humanity” section. The first article is “One Day At A Time: The Week In Review,” named for the popular show featuring Snyder. In the first 18 words, they call someone a homophobe and someone else a pothead. Classy publication here, folks. Later they reference Hitler Youth in response to someone stating their beliefs on gay marriage, despite saying gay marriage is totally okay.

[Read More → “Bea Arthur’s ghost buys your old quality adult DVDs and magazines…”]

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