DVD Review #28: Clerks (10th Anniversary Edition) (1993)

March 18, 2010 at 11:26 AM | Posted in Comedy, DVD Reviews | Leave a comment

Preface:
There’s a lot of fine-looking DVDs in the world, but they don’t all bring you lasagna. Most of them just suck.

[Read More → “Quotable, but not great cinema.”]

DVD Review #27: The Incredible Hulk (The 3-Disc Special Edition) (2008)

March 15, 2010 at 8:22 AM | Posted in Based on a Comic, DVD Reviews, Franchise Film | Leave a comment

“Holy shit, the Iron Man! Iron maaan, iron maaan, does whatever a iron caaan… You da man, Tony Stark! WOOO!!!”

Preface:
As far as movies about skinny guys who become bigger and greener go, this is one of them.

[Read More → “Basically, this is what anyone would expect from a Hulk movie.”]

DVD Review #26: Wanted (2-Disc Special Edition) (2008)

March 11, 2010 at 9:35 AM | Posted in Action, Based on a Comic, DVD Reviews | Leave a comment

Angelina did all her own stunt splaying.

Preface:
Wanted is one of those comic book movies that nobody knew was a comic book movie. Like 30 Days of Night or 300 or other movies that start with threes. This one has people with unexplained powers, but is more about car crash and gun-porn than powers. It certainly isn’t about any kind of story.

[Read More → “The film is just an excuse to have a big orgy of ridiculous violence and impossible action, and it can do nothing but succeed at that.”]

Superman: Rant of Steel

March 11, 2010 at 4:45 AM | Posted in Movie Rants | 2 Comments

Christopher Nolan and David S. Goyer have officially announced (unofficially) that they are working on the next Superman film. Both will be writing the story at least. Nolan’s vague mentor status wasn’t mentioned in the article, and is still unclear.

I’m not going to complain too much about making Superman dark, as this is jumping to a speculative conclusion at this point. That’s not really the main issue.

[Read More → “The main issue…”]

DVD Review #25: The Chonicles of Riddick: Pitch Black (Unrated Director’s Cut) (1999)

February 28, 2010 at 1:51 PM | Posted in DVD Reviews, Franchise Film, Horror, Sci-Fi | 1 Comment

Vin seriously urges you to consider going green.

Preface:
No, this is not another Spike Lee movie. It’s a documentary about Vin Diesel’s summer vacation, where he fended off over a dozen sharks with his bare hands. Slightly dramatized.

[Read More → “It is as well-constructed and restrained as Starship Troopers is carefree and over-the-top.”]

DVD Review #24: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (Special Collector’s Edition) (2001)

February 27, 2010 at 1:54 AM | Posted in Action, Based on a Game, DVD Reviews, Franchise Film | 1 Comment

Dude, I can see your crappy tattoo.

Preface:
Supposedly, all video game movies suck. I’m not sure if Tomb Raider supposedly sucks or not. It’s certainly not great. The story isn’t engaging. The acting wasn’t included. But the action and effects are somewhat decent, and there are some interesting locations.

[Read More → “It’s Indiana Jones with fake boobs, big lips, guns, and techno music.”]

Music Court

February 25, 2010 at 7:57 AM | Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

Because judges don’t know SHIT about art! You don’t know SHIT!

I’m gonna start a music court. All music copyright issues will only be tried in music court. All PAST cases will be retried.

Luther Campbell vs 50 Cent – the music court does rule that 50 Cent’s “In Da Club” does willfully and wantonly infringe on the tone, style and context of Luther Campbell’s copyrighted work, “It’s Your Birthday,” and I hereby sentence 50 Cent to be publicly spanked fifty times by Luther Campbell. Each time someone quotes “It’s Your Birthday” through public broadcast, 50 Cent may collect a fifty cent royalty payment, but must also be spanked for each payment collected.

MUSIC COURT OUT, MUTHAFUCKAS!

February 23, 2010 at 3:53 AM | Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

The headline “Hilary Duff engaged to hockey player” is a tragedy. Oh no. Why did she do that? But change it to “Hockey player engaged to Hilary Duff,” and it becomes a rags to riches story! Yeah! Way to go, ya dumb hockey player! Seize that dream! Woo!

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